September 10, 2008

The Millstone

Posted in Albums, The Millstone tagged , at 1:43 pm by Matt

“The Millstone”, the second Potmos Hetoimos full-length, was a much more focused effort than its precursor. The storyline and lyrics and a handful of vague guitar parts were written over the summer of 2006, and the album was recorded from scratch between August 11th and September 11th of that year. The completed album was released for download on September 12, 2006, on the one-year anniversary of my girlfriend Reneé’s death.

The story of the album follows the thoughts of a man who has been thrown into the ocean with a millstone tied around his neck (a literal punishment from Luke 17:1-2). He struggles between suppressing the memories of the sinful action that caused this sentence and reminiscing to ascertain the truth of what happened. Later in the album, Satan makes a bid to consume his mind and plunge him permanently into despair, but God refuses to permit this and allows the man to recall the truth of his deeds. The subject matter is quite controversial for such an overtly Christian album, as prominent themes include pedophilia, rape, and suicide; but combined with the album’s glorious ending, my intent is to show that no one is ever beyond the hope of salvation.

Download or stream the album at: http://www.last.fm/music/Potmos+Hetoimos/The+Millstone

September 9, 2008

The Millstone – 08 – “Arise”

Posted in The Millstone tagged at 9:51 pm by Matt

This song is an instrumental.

The Millstone – 07 – “Submission”

Posted in The Millstone tagged at 9:50 pm by Matt

So this is how it ends
I can feel the pressure of the deep
The travesty of my sins
Finds me in a comatose sleep
But I will awaken, and soon I will taste
The hope of recollection of my obscured history
The liar’s proclamations are now laid to waste
The hour is impending to unfold this mystery
It was the pedophilic fetish of my heart
That blackened and adulterated my thoughts
No action did I intend to impart
For debasement of self, and for terror of being caught
I never laid a finger on her body
Only in my vision did she concede
By coincidence she faltered and became
The willing pawn of immorality
I placed the blame upon myself alone
For thinking of her so objectively
When fertility was found, she surrendered
Her neck embraced by a rope of tragedy
She screamed, but I never heard
Quietly she hung in pain, corrupted by her own decision
I never understood
How evil like the waves could roll in
Where could I have been?
Is it really not my fault?
With different eyes, could I have seen her pain?
Is her blood on my hands?
The screams of injustice are gone
A whisper in my memory resurfaces
A faith long lost brings a reiteration;
“I will restore you and heal you”
In my final moments I recall this word
And plead for mercy to arise
The millstone I placed on my neck is shattered
There extends a hand to offer me new life
The sickness that has possessed me
Is dispelled by the panacea of heaven’s hand
No longer will my perversion control me
No longer will this burden I withstand
My head strikes the ocean floor,
My eyes behold the open door,
His love overwhelms and washes over me
I am free
I see the waters peeled back in submission
A thunderous voice weeps “Welcome, son,
Behold the earth you knew now for the last time;
Now, forever, you are Mine.”

The Millstone – 06 – “The Accuser”

Posted in The Millstone tagged at 9:48 pm by Matt

Memories so clear scrape at my consciousness
Am I really here, and what is the purpose of this?
I recall on a dark, cloudy night making light of my lust
This water has weakened my mind, I don’t know what to trust
With uncertain psyche, a shout comes to deafen my ears
Breaking my spirit and compounding all of my fears
Though I cannot tell the actions apart from the dreams
This voice unrelenting condemns me full well, with scream after scream:
You raper, you raped her
In your heart and in your mind
Coercion, perversion
Now forever you are mine
Is there truth to this claim?
I know I fantasized so long
My head now hangs below in shame
There’s no more hope for the one I wronged
My life is sealed, along with eternity
My drowning now towards burning then
I wish this sorrow could be released from me
But the hell-borne shriek reminds me yet again
You raper, you raped her
Tearing down her paradise
Vulgarly destroying
Now forever you are mine
My perversion abolished her integrity
This half decade she wasted in promiscuity
I am the culprit, instigating her fall from grace
She is the reason I was turned over to this place
In hopelessness she built her makeshift gallows
She wrote my name in blood then left this world
Suicide at seventeen, such a hard thing to swallow
The bitter end of brokenness for this beautiful young girl
You killer, you killed her
Her blood stains your sick design
Condemning your standing
By your hand this girl died
You killer, you killed her
Tie the knot above her spine
Suspended, life ended
Now forever you are
No! Listen for the voice,
Look for the truth
Did this ever happen
He’s lying to you
These accusations comprise deceit
What could have happened in reality?
You never laid hands on that virgin’s skin
The only perpetration was that of your eyes
Behind, o accuser! And search now within
You are not responsible for her demise
Open your eyes
Open your eyes
My child, open your eyes!

The Millstone – 05 – “The Sins Of The Thousands”

Posted in The Millstone tagged at 9:46 pm by Matt

Here I am, face to face with my past again
There she stands, shivering and afraid
Dilated pupils struggle to form a bleak stare
Piercing my calloused soul with remorse
Five years ago, throwing conscience to the fire
When passion perverse had taken its hold
With baited breath watching her from a distance
Awaiting my moment to strip away her grace
What Godless animation, this!
To cast aside my mind and act on foolishness
A thought long killed continues to survive
And presses me to an unforgivable,
A thousand times unforgivable deed
Hiding away under cloud-covered night
In darkness I smothered all inhibition
Alone she walked, as the clock struck her years
Into my grasp she fell, commencing my mission
Eyes shut, over and over
Cold touch, warmer and warmer
Screaming, louder and louder
Hoping no one will find her
Now there’s no turning back, the act is accomplished
Spirit’s conviction silenced, my soul is vanished
The opposite of perfection is manifest
The only justified punishment is death
I escaped to live on, but forever she was trapped
Dead inside, she fell into a life of wickedness
Five years passed before they could not find her
But my name they found on her suicide letter
Did I take her life, her purity,
In prepubescent indignity?
Or it this reality all that it seems?
This is how it should have happened
This is how it would have happened
But instead I lay alone only daydreaming such schemes
The construct of my mind erased
Confronted by a sinner’s face
I only misbehaved inside my head
But if my sin is psychological
What this ocean so physical
That purports to drain my life till I am dead?

The Millstone – 04 – “The Red Beneath”

Posted in The Millstone tagged at 9:45 pm by Matt

It’s a cold, unwelcome sickness
Impressing itself on me
The onset of psychosis
Triggered by memories
Suppression left me empty
Lest the tide should fill the void
They’ll crawl back in and haunt me
Unless I can stop the noise
Curse the name by which this brain has been made
Its ill perfection refuses to let the past fade
In black and white I hear her voice
In screaming color I see her face
Why must I remember
Come forth, my resting place!
How I long to swallow silt and muck
To embrace this agony whither I am constrained
One inhale should send me into death
But I can’t awaken from this mental drain
Fight, man! Fight this blasphemous reminiscence!
Your end is sealed! No reason to recall
The blood that stained your hands toward this disposition
But that thought awaits below as you fall

The Millstone – 03 – “The Lost”

Posted in The Millstone tagged at 9:44 pm by Matt

There in the darkness of my mind
I place these thoughts, that none should ever find
As blue fades to black I close my eyes
Drifting down to where there is no light
Slowly passing away,
Slowly passing…
She opened those eyes, the hazel eyes of a child
Perfect in her innocence
But it couldn’t last in the perversion of this world
How she wished to never blink again
She screamed, but I never heard
Quietly she lay in pain, corrupted by
I never understood
How evil like the waves could roll in
Crushing spirit and inundating good
In a moment there was no God left within
The darkness reached out and took hold,
And she was seized with a damning lust
One soul tarnished with the act
One soul ruined by the aftermath
She screamed, but I never heard
Quietly she lay in pain, corrupted by
I never understood
How evil like the waves could roll in
On the shores of purity
Breaking like her sanity
Drink in deep, at such a young age,
This was the end of your innocent stage

The Millstone – 02 – “Submersion”

Posted in The Millstone tagged at 9:42 pm by Matt

Eyes remain open as I slowly sink below
The glare of the sun on the water
May be the last light I ever know
My memory fades with the evening rays
Her memory slips from me
Her
Is she why I am here,
Is she really why I am here?
Forget these memories, I’ll push them all below
Fate rushes over me like coldest winter snow
Rid of my regrets I can finally be free
My past I’ll submerge as the ocean drowns me
I won’t let them take this from me
I will take this from myself first
Before I slip away, into oceanic oblivion
Consumed by mother earth
Forgotten by father time
Crushed by pressure
Beneath the salt and brine
There will I find rest
Freedom in release
These memories I purge
As the water cleanses me
My past so real meets fate surreal
I let this all go
All thought in exile
I let this all go
Forget these memories, I’ll push them all below
Fate rushes over me like coldest winter snow
Rid of my regrets I can finally be free
My past I’ll submerge as the ocean drowns me

The Millstone – 01 – “Judgment Day”

Posted in The Millstone tagged at 9:41 pm by Matt

There I lay, overlooking my impending grave
Judgment day, my wickedness has now condemned me
For my crime, I suffocate and drown to death
Down below, hanging this sentence ‘round my neck.
There’s no more time to try to justify my deeds
One last cry escapes my mouth before they choke me
Tightening the rope, tying to the stone
They intend to send me down to meet the devil on his throne
A man arises, towering over the crowd
And one by one my evils are read aloud
No mercy comes from the voices around
They will not be appeased till I am drowned
So there we stood, the captors and the seized
My last glimpse of sunlight and a soft breeze
With no remorse they walk me to the edge
Silently and suddenly they kick me from the deck
This ends my journey on earth’s shore
Thus begins my journey to the ocean’s floor